Over the break I found myself staring at my iPhone and marveling at how bland it was. I know that everyone’s always gushing about how sleek and beautiful their iPhones are, but I was kind of disgusted with it’s generic, corporate feel. Yuck. So I set off to fix the sucker.

You need a set of jewelers screwdrivers and tools, preferably ones that will take the screen apart without marring the finish. You take the case apart and set the screen aside and do a bunch of secret stuff to it. If it doesn’t take, you give it a sharp whack with a ball & peen hammer, just to knock a bit of sense into it. Show it who’s the boss around here, dang it.

Then you put it back together and voilà! You end up with a much cooler iPhone. Apple will void the warranty, but who cares? My warranty ran out decades ago.

Whoa! Look at all those cool new icons, man.

• My favorite new icon is the camera. Hey, I’m a photographer and don’t give a shit what anyone says, Hasselblad still rules all.
• The Stocks and Weather icons were made especially for 2012. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
• I’ll guarantee you that my maps are way more accurate than google’s dopey stuff. Made by none other than Scotty on the USS Enterprise.
• You can’t reach some of my contacts on a stinkin’ iPhone, you need way better Mojo than that.
• I’m not saying what happens when you push the “Larry McNeil” button. You’ll just have to find out for yourself.
• Some of my mail is delivered via the Raven Express and you definitely need good Mojo for that too. Reserve this one for important stuff.

I call this the Raven iPhone and now I feel like it’s mine and not some drone zone phone. Bottom’s up, man.

Story and Photos Copyright Larry McNeil, 2012. All Rights Reserved.

On this auspicious first day of 2012, I wish you an extraordinary new year and the hope that things improve for the people, and for our home planet. It seems that the global state of gloom and doom has gotten everyone’s attention by now.

I can’t help but be reminded that it is the struggle that defines humanity, and we are at our best when things get rugged. My advice is to remain flexible with whatever you encounter this year, especially if it’s challenging. Sharpen your wits to a razor’s edge and don’t forget the coffee.

Ice lens.

As for myself, I’m going to add a new camera to my bag of tricks, just in case. It has a built-in monopod that not only shoots cool photos, but can double as a zombie flail if need be. I call this my 2012 Digital Camera, because it takes five digits to grasp it properly.

My new custom-made camera setup for 2012.

Nothing freezes the zombie action like this 2012 Digital Camera. You realize I’m just kidding, right? It’s really not a flail at all; it’s just a camera for the upcoming year.

Have a great new year and remember, the magic words for 2012 are flexibility, preparedness and quick wits. Think like a raven.

Story & Photos Copyright Larry McNeil, 2012, All Rights Reserved